I’ve departed from the usual welcome this year as you’ll read.
Woodfordia is going through a lot of changes and we’re imagining ourselves as ‘The Notion State of Woodfordia’ and using that imagery as a fun way of seeing ourselves. This welcome is lifted from our programme book - we mean every word of it …
Bill Hauritz AM
Bureau Of National Culture And Arts Security (BONCAAS)
Rumours feeding back to The Bureau reveal that persons of interest attending the Woodford Folk Festival will be subjected to a plot by activists, that if successful, could destabilise our country causing significant disruption to our national interest. They deploy talented artists, ridiculous theatre and inquisitive knowledge-seekers to snare generous and compassionate people into their trap.
It’s understood that these insurgents are planning to declare their own Notion State of Woodfordia and develop their own parliament and citizenry.
These dissidents build an air of creativity that pervert their victims’ minds filling them with sagacious ideas, arrogantly suggesting to the vulnerable that their load could be lightened by their participation.
The warm welcome from their army of collaborators disguises their intention to subvert our lifestyle. Most of those rebels work without payment such is the mesmerising spell bewitching these naive persons.
The Bureau fear that should the virus spread infection beyond the imposed Woodfordian borders, art will contaminate our communities at large.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to infiltrate this festival and report on this preposterous conspiracy. You will need to follow the instructions in their programme book beforehand and study the enchantments these dissenters use to lure people into their ploy.
The Bureau urges you to arm yourself with humour and levity and disguise yourself with an open mind and generous heart. As you will be in deep cover, you will also need to be trained to discharge your tear ducts at appropriate times.
You must not, under any circumstances, approach these subversives. They’re armed with empathy and dangerous with ideas. Should you post-mission, find yourself dancing in the streets or singing out loud, you will have been infected requiring urgent clinical assistance and re-programming.
As always, if you or any member of your team are caught being normal amid the raucous and ridiculous atmosphere or get caught up in their mass outbreaks of merriment and celebration, The Bureau will disavow any knowledge of you or your actions.
This document will be recycled.